Lesley's Blog

The Yes-No Equation

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

We all say yes and no a lot.  Well, I do and I’m making a fair guess that you do too.  But did you know that it is only half of an equation?  Most of the time we treat it like it is complete on its own.  It’s not and in missing out the other half we are not giving ourselves the full picture.

I came across the full equation early on when I encountered coaching and it has stuck with me as one my favourite concepts.  Partly because of its simplicity (I firmly believe simplest things are best) and also because of its value.

The full equation:

·         Saying yes = saying no

·         Saying no = saying yes

What this means is when you are saying yes to something you are also saying no to one, or many things.  And vice versa.  Sounds simple?  Well, that’s because it is and perhaps that is why it is so often overlooked and I think at great cost.

To be clear there aren’t any value judgements on either yes or no and this certainly isn’t about “learning about saying no”.   Though for a lot of people it is the one they find harder.  And this is where considering the full equation can really help.  When you say no to something you are, at the same time, saying yes to at least one other thing.  Consciously bringing this to mind can help with managing feelings such as guilt that often tag along for the ride when we say no.   And thinking about the full picture when we say yes can help avoid unintended consequences. 

My invitation is to use this simple equation when you are stuck making a decision, or know which decision you really want to make and are struggling with it. 

 

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Lesley's Blog | No Comments »

What’s stopping you?

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

There are so many ways of answering this question – circumstances, resources, weather, location to name a small handful – that we could easily get lost and distracted for an hour or two doing just that.  Which would lead us to one of the most fascinating of ways we human beings have for stopping ourselves doing stuff – procrastination.  But as interesting and delightfully distracting as that avenue might be to wander down it’s not what I’m thinking about today.

Today I wanted to write about labels – the various badges we give ourselves that inform what we do and what we don’t do. 

One of my most persistent labels is, “I’m not a runner” – I’m not exactly sure but I think it was created when I was about 12 and I’ve said it so many times in the more than 2 decades since that really it had to be true.  And yet, this Friday will find me doing my first official 5km run. 

It will not even mildly surprise the sports psychologists amongst you (amateur or professional) that I am able to do the run on Friday because of a shift in mindset.  For me, the hard part of even registering for the event, let alone actually going out running to train for it, has been 100% mental. 

Often we will use a label of what we are to say what we are not – mine was always, “I’m a swimmer, not a runner”, as if the two were mutually exclusive – no Venn diagrams here.  I’ve heard people being asked if they like dogs and replying, “no, I’m a cat person”. 

In the workplace I think there is a great deal of mutual exclusivity created – “I’m strategic so I can’t really do operational stuff”. 

Creating mutual exclusive categories seems to come very naturally to us and perhaps the Darwinists would argue that doing so encourages specialization and therefore greater productivity, success and all round better results.   And there may be something in this.

However, are you using your labels (either self created or bestowed upon you by colleagues, bosses, friends, family, society) to stop you doing what you really want to do? 

So, here’s my invitation: write down 10 labels you have about yourself. Don’t stop to worry about where they came from or even whether they’re true or not. And look hard – many of our labels are so insidious and hard-wired we don’t even know we are wearing them. 

Now consider how helpful they are to you.  And if they’re not – bin them.

Then enjoy creating some new ones. 

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Lesley's Blog | No Comments »

Head or Body - which do you listen to?

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

Call it gut instinct, intuition, feeling it ‘in your bones’, whatever name you give it, I am sure you have all experienced your body trying to tell you something.  Or butterflies in your stomach when you’re nervous or your heart beating faster when you’re excited or a dryness in your mouth when you are feeling expectant.

But how often have you listened to it?   And how often have you let your brain push the ‘over-ride’ button and pushed away any messages from anywhere from the neck down. 

I heard at the weekend that our heads are 15% of our body mass.  So why are we so quick to ignore the other 85%, to think that it is less use to us than what comes from our heads?  My gut instinct is that the answer lies somewhere in our love of the rational and our desire to understand things and make decisions from a logical place.  And I know from personal experience that my body has a lot to say - and is often much smarter and quicker than my head.

So how about having a little fun and spending a day listening to your body and not your head.   There might be some interesting results.

And if there are, I’d love to hear about them so please feel free to jump in and add your comments.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Lesley's Blog | No Comments »

What is your culture?

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

A week in Spain and a conversation with a friend led me to think about how we all have a personal culture and how it relates to how we work.  

This isn’t a discussion around geographical cultures but rather individual ones and how they fit into our external environments.

Let me explain a little more. I think that we each have our own ‘culture’ and that in understanding what this is can help us to devise working strategies that we help us to be our most effective - and happiest.

Think about the culture of Spain - how would you describe it? You may think of words like: laid-back, family-oriented, vocal, personable, work early in the mornings, long lunches, siestas, work in the evening, late night socializing. Or you may think: long hours, unproductive, time wasting, impossible to get things done. It may fill you with dread or it may fill you with joy. It doesn’t matter. What matters is what works for you.

Now think about your own culture - how would you describe it?

For example, I like to plan a few days ahead and to build in flexibility to my working day. I know that I am best at making phone calls and doing creative work at the start of the day and to doing admin and less ‘thinking’ type work later. Mornings are my most productive time and so taking my lunch later means that I get more done.

Obviously, I don’t always get to control my time exactly as I would choose but knowing what works helps me get back to an even keel when things feel out of balance.

What suits you best? Take some time out to ask yourself the following questions:

When am I most creative?
When am I most productive?
What do I need in my day for it to be a good one?
When is the best time for me to call people?
Do I like to work with people face-to-face or remotely?
Am I most effective with individuals or groups?
Now there are always external constraints that may influence, or even dictate, when and how we work. But so often we can fall into a default operational mode of working certain hours, in certain environments and following certain rules. Now ask yourself, how many of these rules are ‘real’ and how many have I made up, or just adopted unquestioningly? Am I in an ‘email culture’ and do I default to this when actually phone calls are much more suited to my style. Do I work long hours because everyone else does, even though somedays I know I stopped being productive much earlier?

We all have a personal culture that may be supported or challenged by our current working environment. Having answered the above questions, are there small changes you can make to allow your own culture more space?

Going with what suits us best individually is likely to mean we are happier, more productive and achieve better results. Be kind to yourself and swim downstream.

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Lesley's Blog | No Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »